(02.01.2003)                                                                                         

Capitalism

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed

company, using letters of credit opened by your

brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity

swap with an associated general offer so that you get

all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five

cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred

via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company

secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells,

the rights to all seven cows back to your listed

company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows,

with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new

president of the United States, leaving you with nine

cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The

public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk

of four cows.

You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an

ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create clever cow cartoon images called

Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You reengineer them so they live for100 years, eat

once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have12 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of

vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.

You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim full employment, high bovine productivity,

and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN ABERDEEN CORPORATION:

You have two cows, that one on the left is kinda

cute...