(09.01.2003)                                                                                          

Married Lives

You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or  get married and wish you were dead."

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

The bride, upon getting engaged, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until got married; by then it was too late."

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. A Second Marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."